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Anorexia - a Game of Control!
Low self-esteem produces a game of control.
It causes a person to suffer in silence – suffering that can
lead to anorexia.
Do you struggle with painful feelings about
yourself, as a person? We can have so much in our western
world, but lack the one thing we most desire – acceptance
and a feeling of self worth!
Tania was a beautiful teenage girl. She was
given compliments, but felt unable to accept them. Her distorted
image of her body led her to become anorexic. This article
is not primarily about the signs and symptoms of anorexia.
It's purpose is to help the reader discover what lies behind
the eating disorder called anorexia nervosa.
First of all, we need to understand how low
self-esteem and anorexia are related.
The Link Between Low Self-esteem and Anorexia
A sense of low self-esteem can be caused through
inadequate nurturing as a result of emotional, physical or
sexual abuse as a child. Abuse is when a person uses their
power or position to force another person to perform in order
to meet their needs.
Emotional abuse is the subtlest form of abuse.
Most of us at some time or other, whether to a greater or
lesser degree, have been victims of emotional abuse. It could
come from anyone who has a position of authority who requires
you to perform in order to have his or her needs met.
Tania was a victim of emotional abuse. Her self-rejection
grew as her parents were not able to meet her emotional needs
even though she lacked nothing materially.
Emotional abuse usually begins as a generational
problem. Tania’s parents did not know how to meet her needs
as they themselves had unmet needs. They were what we call
an 'adult child', searching for someone to nurture them and
fulfil their needs.
Tania sensed these needs and subconsciously
sought to fulfil them by 'being there' for her parents. As
opposed to the adults 'being there' to meet her emotional
needs! Tania listened as her parents shared their challenges
but neither of them were able to spend quality time with her
to allow her to open up and share her concerns. Tania had
a false sense of security because she felt needed, but lacked
someone to care for her own needs. This left her feeling abandoned
and abused because she was not being affirmed.
As Tania did not have her own emotional needs
met she was left with feelings of low self-worth, emptiness,
loneliness, self-hate and depression. To compensate for her
feelings of low self-worth she grew up putting more emphasis
on `doing' rather than being'. This set the scene for Tania
to become anorexic!
Can you relate to Tania in some way? Do you
feel empty inside wishing someone would meet your inner needs?
Keep reading and you will discover how you can become all
you can be.
Low Self-Esteem Is the Root of All Addictions-
including Anorexia Nervosa
It has been said that addictions are an attempt
to hide the real ‘me’ from the outside world. Addictions can
come in many forms to help you feel better, change your mood
and avoid painful feelings. In an attempt to avoid pain one
can subtly be led into deception, lies and denial. Anorexia
Nervosa was Tania’s way of changing her perception of herself
– her intense, irrational fear of being fat kept her in a
cycle of deception and control. Let’s look at how this cycle
works.
Low Self-Esteem produces a Game of Control
Those with low self-worth often convey a sense
of control. To avoid others seeing the real person, and in
fear of falling victim again, they may either control others
by being assertive, or control themselves by being non-assertive.
Tania’s mother’s commented to me that from her
perspective she felt Tania used her eating disorder to control
and manipulate her. It was like Tania was, consciously or
subconsciously, trying to control both herself and her mother.
The non-assertive approach of control
The person with a non-assertive approach sees
self-worth as being based on what people think about himself/herself:
it is important at any cost to gain the approval of others.
Sufferers of anorexia go to extreme lengths to achieve their
goal of acceptance.
It is important to note that in endeavouring
to deal with low self-worth, a person can swing from being
non-assertive to assertive, or visa versa. One can start out
as an assertive achiever, as we will discuss in the next section,
and swing to become a non-assertive, non-achiever or "loser".
The non-assertive approach produces a cycle,
which begins with denial and a desire to please because of
fear of rejection. These people become resentful and angry
with themselves and others when their goal is not achieved,
which leads to depression and increased feelings of rejection
of self or others. Then in order to feel better about themselves,
they begin the cycle of control again.
The assertive approach of control
The person with an assertive approach strives
to feel good about himself/herself by meeting certain standards.
Feelings of never doing well enough or being good enough can
create a fear of failure, which results in both a drive for
perfectionism and control of self and others.
Life becomes a problem to be solved for anorexia
nervosa sufferers. They are constantly caught up in ‘doing’
rather than ‘being’ content, restful and enjoying life. If
you have feelings of never doing well enough or being good
enough you will know what I mean!
The perfectionist has inflexible rules on how
people should act or think. Deep down, it is felt that self-value
is only obtained through achievement; therefore new challenges
or other people's opinions are threatening, as the perfectionist
feels that mistakes are to be avoided at any cost to prevent
shame.
The assertive approach also produces a cycle,
which begins with denial and a desire to control self and
others through fear of failure. To achieve this goal the assertive
person is legalistic and critical of self and others. These
people become defensive and angry when their goal is not achieved,
which leads to feelings of loneliness and depression. To feel
better about themselves they begin the cycle of control again
to achieve their goal.
Life becomes a game of control! How do we get
out of this cycle we get ourselves into through low self-worth?
For all who struggle with low self-esteem, I
invite you to see a cartoon presentation on our website (www.ydyc.org)
that will give you hope and freedom from the cycle of deception
and control. It will help you make a fresh start and become
all you can be.
As a trained nurse I strongly recommend that
you seek professional help if you are suffering from anorexia
nervosa.
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About the Author:
Wilma Watson is a trained nurse and producer of the website
http://www.ydyc.org.
She has a passion to help people reach their maximimum potential.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/
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