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On Becoming a Non Compulsive Eating Family
1. Set up demand self feeding for each family member equally
(regardless of weight). Have a shopping list available for
all to add to (help children who can not write add their items).
Each person has access to food s/he likes 24 hours per day
(this may mean setting up special private food drawers or
shelves for special foods).
The Method:
- a. Ask "are you hungry" instead of saying "time to eat".
- b. Ask "what do you want to eat?" if the first answer
is yes.
- c. Help the child find those foods and offer available
options
- d. Legalize all foods
- e. Ask "are you full?’ rather than saying "that's enough!"
or "finish what's on your plate!" Make sure there is always
more than enough so the child can learn to determine what
enough feels like from the inside. Individual differences
should be respected and encouraged. No one outside can know
what the child really needs, and needs vary from day-to-day
depending on amount of growing and physical activity.
2. Using this approach means that all eating does not take
place during "family meals", but that food is available then
for those who are hungry. Meal times can still be a place
for family to gather and connect, but without any expectations
about what gets eaten when and by whom. Or, other special
family times can be arranged that don't focus on food at all.
3. All foods are equalized. No food is stigmatized as "bad".
If a child tests you by having candy for breakfast, trust
that if you make nutritious foods available, s/he will eventually
gravitate toward a balanced diet once forbidden foods lose
their thrill.
4. If you are worried about your child's weight, get support
to help you advocate for him/her no matter what the size.
Read and learn to challenge fat phobia, both inside you and
in the culture. Insist that no matter what one's size, everyone
has the right to eat when hungry. Criticize anti-fat comments
and jokes on T.V. in front of your child. Encourage him/her
to develop strength and confidence and to challenge others.
Visit the web site http://www.about-face.org for more resources.
5. If your child hates her/his body, appears to be restricting
calories, or shows signs of a possible eating disorder, get
help immediately. See web sites at http://www.about-face.org
for further resources.
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About the Author:
About the Author: Judy Lightstone - MA,, MS, LMFT
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist; specializing in eating
disorders and dissociation - has been providing psychotherapy
for the past 21 years and training professional therapists
for the past 19 years. In her Berkeley private practice, she
currently specializes in treating eating disorders, trauma
survivors, and working with couples and families. Patients
describe her as gentle and compassionate in a strong way,
tempered by an easy sense of humor. She helps you become more
conscious, and offers support and advocacy as you learn to
live with greater awareness of yourself and the world. She
stays clear and focused so you can better access your inner
strength and wisdom. For more information visit Judy's website
www.psychotherapist.org
or call (510) 704-0940 in Berkeley, CA.
© by Judy Lightstone, 1997
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