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Improving Your Body Image
"If we place pornography and the tyranny of
slenderness
alongside one another we have the two
most significant obsessions of our culture,
and both of them focused upon a woman's body."
- Kim Chernin
Body image involves our perception, imagination,
emotions, and physical sensations of and about our bodies.
It s not static- but ever changing; sensitive to changes in
mood, environment, and physical experience. It is not based
on fact. It is psychological in nature, and much more influenced
by self-esteem than by actual physical attractiveness as judged
by others. It is not inborn, but learned. This learning occurs
in the family and among peers, but these only reinforce what
is learned and expected culturally.
In this culture, we women are starving ourselves,
starving our children and loved ones, gorging ourselves, gorging
our children and loved ones, alternating between starving
and gorging, purging, obsessing, and all the while hating,
pounding and wanting to remove that which makes us female:
our bodies, our curves, our pear-shaped selves.
"Cosmetic surgery is the fastest growing 'medical'
specialty.... Throughout the 80s,
as women gained power, unprecedented numbers
of them sought out and submitted to the knife...."
- Naomi Wolf
The work of feminist object relations theorists
such as Susie Orbach (author of Fat is a Feminist Issue, and
Hunger Strike: Anorexia as a Metaphor for Our Age) and those
at The Women's Therapy Centre Institute (authors of Eating
Problems: a Feminist Psychoanalytic Treatment Model) has demonstrated
a relationship between the development of personal boundaries
and body image. Personal boundaries are the physical and emotional
borders around us.. A concrete example of a physical boundary
is our skin. It distinguishes between that which is inside
you and that which is outside you. On a psychological level,
a person with strong boundaries might be able to help out
well in disasters- feeling concerned for others, but able
to keep a clear sense of who they are. Someone with weak boundaries
might have sex with inappropriate people, forgetting where
they end and where others begin. Such a person way not feel
"whole" when alone.
Our psychological boundaries develop early in
life, based on how we are held and touched (or not held and
touched). A person who is deprived of touch as an infant or
young child, for example, may not have the sensory information
s/he needs to distinguish between what is inside and what
is outside her/himself. As a result, boundaries may be unclear
or unformed. This could cause the person to have difficulty
getting an accurate sense of his/her body shape and size.
This person might also have difficulty eating, because they
might have trouble sensing the physical boundaries of hunger
and fullness or satiation. On the other extreme, a child who
is sexually or physically abused may feel terrible pain and
shame or loathing associated to his/her body. Such a person
might use food or starvation to continue the physical punishments
they grew familiar with in childhood.
Developing a Healthy Body Image
Here are some guidelines (Adapted from BodyLove:
Learning to Like Our Looks and Ourselves, Rita Freeman, Ph.D.)
that can help you work toward a positive body image:
- Listen to your body. Eat when you are hungry.
- Be realistic about the size you are likely to be based
on your genetic and environmental history.
- Exercise regularly in an enjoyable way, regardless of
size.
- Expect normal weekly and monthly changes in weight and
shape.
- Work towards self acceptance and self forgiveness- be
gentle with yourself.
- Ask for support and encouragement from friends and family
when life is stressful.
- Decide how you wish to spend your energy -- pursuing the
"perfect body image" or enjoying family, friends, school
and, most importantly, life.
Think of it as the three A's
- Attention: Refers to listening for and responding
to internal cues (i.e., hunger, satiety, fatigue).
- Appreciation: Refers to appreciating the pleasures
your body can provide.
- Acceptance: Refers to accepting what is -- instead
of longing for what is not.
Healthy body weight is the size a person naturally returns
to after a long period of both non-compulsive eating* and
consistent exercise commensurate with the person' s physical
health and condition. We must learn to advocate for ourselves
and our children to aspire to a naturally determined size,
even though that will often mean confronting misinformed family,
friends, and media advertising again and again.
*Simply stated, non-compulsive eating means eating when you
are hungry and stopping when you are satisfied. This involves
being able to distinguish emotional hunger from physical hunger,
and satiation from over fullness. Link to: Compulsive
Overeating for more information. Link to: Bibliography
to view sources.
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About the Author:
Judy Lightstone, M.F.C.C. is a licensed Marriage, Family,
Child Counselor in Berkely, CA. She has a private practice
where she works with individuals and couples. Visit her website
at www.psychotherapist.org.
Permission for use granted by Judy Lightstone.
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