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Common Myths About Child Sexual Abuse and Incest
The first response the majority of people form when hearing
of sexual child abuse or incest is denial: “I do not have
to be concerned about that in my community.” “That would never
happen in my family.”
The unbelievable reality is that a person who sexually abuses
children may seem very average and ordinary to the world.
He/she may be a leader in the church, in the community or
in business, a sports coach, scout leader, or celebrity. Sex
offenders do not fit a classic stereotype and are not necessarily
uneducated, unemployed, impoverished or an alcoholic.
The majority of people find sexual abuse and incest even
more difficult to believe or accept when the sex offender
is someone they like, admire, love, and/or marry. Tragically,
the unwillingness to accept the facts concerning sex offenders
leaves children vulnerable to becoming victims and increases
the likelihood they will be abused.
Myth: Rape/incest runs in the family--it is in the genes.
Fact: Rape is not in the genes in the family of someone who
rapes. Rape is perpetrated by someone who is acting out rage.
Physical and sexual child abuse are the majority factor in
creating the level of rage that compels anyone to commit rape,
domestic violence or murder. We have known for a long time
that the one commonality among rapists is physical and/or
sexual child abuse. Serial killer, Ted Bundy is a classic
example of this phenomenon. Since 80% of sexual child abuse
survivors are sexually abused by family members there are
usually several generations within a rapist's family--sometimes
both maternal and paternal. Current statistics reveal 70%
of children are physically abused once a week. It is believed
the number of children who are physically abused has decreased
in the past 15 years. However, the current rapists in society
would have grown up in the era when physical abuse was more
prominent, therefore, we can assume there is a high percentage
of people, who are potential rapists when we consider date
rape and rape in domestic violence, which is seldom reported
or if it is reported, is seldom prosecuted. Therefore, society
has no way to access the number of rapes committed per capita.
Myth: Children lie or fantasize about sexual activities with
adults.
Fact: Using developmental terms, young children cannot make
up explicit sexual information. They must be exposed to it
to speak about it. Sometimes a parent will coach a child to
report sexual abuse falsely. The key indicators of the falseness
in such a report are the child's inability to describe explicit
details, the inability to illustrate the act, or gross inconsistencies
within the account.
Myth: Most victims of sexual abuse are teenaged girls.
Fact: While more girls than boys are sexually abused, many
are abused before their first birthday.
Myth: Boys can't be sexually abused.
Fact: Masculine gender socialization instills in boys the
belief they are to be strong; they should learn to protect
themselves. In truth, boys are children and are as vulnerable
as girls. They cannot really fight back against the sex offender.
A sex offender generally has greater size, strength, knowledge,
or a position of authority, using such resources as money
or other bribes, or outright threats—whatever advantage the
sex offender can take to get what they want.
Myth: Sexual abuse of a child is usually an isolated, one-time
incident.
Fact: Child sexual abuse and incest occurrences develop gradually,
over time; often, repeat occurrences are generally the rule
rather than the exception.
Myth: Children will naturally outgrow the effects of sexual
abuse or incest.
Fact: Sexual abuse or incest affects every aspect of human
development. The damage is profound, extensive and pervasive.
It is deeper than the physical and emotional level—it is a
soul injury that requires multifaceted, multidimensional,
therapeutic processing conducted by a professional who specializes
in sexual abuse and incest trauma recovery.
Myth: Non-violent sexual behavior between a child and an
adult is not emotionally damaging to the child.
Fact: Although child sexual abuse often involves subtle rather
than extreme force, all survivors experience confusion, shame,
guilt, anger, as well as a lowered sense of self-esteem; these
are classic aftereffects, although they may not initially
reveal obvious signs.
Myth: Child molesters are all, ‘Dirty old men.’
Fact: In a recent study of convicted child sex offenders,
80% committed their first offense before age 30.
Myth: Children provoke sexual abuse by their seductive behavior.
Fact: Seductive behavior may be the result, but is never
the cause of sexual abuse. Amy Fisher, the Long Island teenager
who shot her sex offender's wife in the face and whom the
media dubbed, Lolita having an affair with a married man,
is a perfect example of this myth. During her trial for attempting
to kill Joey Buttafuoco's wife, Amy Fisher revealed that she
had been sexually abused before her abuse by Buttafuoco. Her
behavior that many considered seductive and promiscuous was,
in fact, a result of prior abuse. However, regardless of the
victim's behavior or reason for such behavior, the responsibility
for appropriate behavior always lays with the adult, not the
child. A sixteen-year-old girl is no match for the cunning
and streetwise tactics of a man twice her age, therefore,
the ability to affect adult consent is unreasonable to expect.
Myth: If children wanted to avoid sexual advances of adults,
or persons in positions of greater power, they could say,
stop or no.
Fact: Children generally do not question the behavior of
adults. In addition, bribes, threats, flattery, trickery and
use of authority coerce them into cooperation and compliance.
Myth: When a child is sexually abused, it is immediately
apparent.
Fact: In cases of incest against children, as much as the
sex offender might be hurting the victim, the child loves
him or her and needs her family. Therefore, she convinces
herself that she is somehow causing him or her to behave this
way, and she remains silent. In her confusion of loyalty to
her sex offender, she protects him or her by holding the secret.
Thus, she carries the shame and guilt. In cases regarding
sexual abuse and incest, the victim often believes that she
has cooperated with the sex offender in some way and places
inappropriate blame on herself. Therefore, although with tremendous
suffering, she hides her pain through denial, dissociation,
numbing, zoning out, hyperactivity, as well as other distracting
behaviors. However, the aware parent would recognize these
behaviors as a sign that something is wrong.
Myth: When the sexual abuse victim is male, male homosexuals
are the sex offenders.
Fact: Heterosexual men, who do not find sex with other men
satisfactory, perpetrate most child sexual abuse. Many child
molesters, even though they are heterosexual, abuse both boys
and girls.
Myth: Boys abused by males are or will become homosexual.
Fact: Whether victimized by males or females, boys or girls,
premature sexual experiences are damaging in many ways, including
confusion about their sexual identity and orientation.
Myth: When a boy and a woman take part in sexual behavior
and it is the boy's idea, he is not being abused.
Fact: Child abuse is an act of power by which an adult uses
a child. Abuse is abuse; a woman engaging in sexual behavior
with a male child is still sexually abusive, even if she thinks
he initiated the contact.
Myth: If the sex offender is female, the boy or adolescent
is fortunate to have been initiated into heterosexual activity.
Fact: Premature or coerced sex, whether by a mother, aunt,
sister, babysitter or other female causes confusion, at best,
and rage, depression or other problems in more negative circumstances.
Whether male or female, to be used as a sexual object is always
abusive and damaging.
Myth: If the child experiences sexual arousal or orgasm from
abuse, he or she has been a willing participant or enjoyed
it.
Fact: Children can respond physically to stimulation (get
an erection) even in traumatic or painful sexual situations.
A sex offender can maintain secrecy by labeling the child's
sexual response as an indication of his or her willingness
to participate. You liked it, you wanted it. The survivor
is then manipulated with their own guilt and shame because
they experienced physical arousal while being abused. Physical,
visual or auditory stimulation is likely to occur in a sexual
situation. It does not mean the child wanted the experience
or understood what it meant.
Myth: Males who were sexually abused as boys all grow up
to sexually abuse children.
Fact: Only some sexually abused boys become sex offenders.
Myth: Boys are less traumatized as victims of sexual abuse
than girls.
Fact: Studies show that long-term effects are equally damaging
for either sex. Ironically, males may be more damaged by society's
refusal or reluctance to accept their victimization, and by
their own resultant belief that they must ‘tough it out’ in
silence.
Myth: If a child is sexually active with his or her peers,
then it is not sexual abuse.
Fact: The act is abusive if the child is induced into sexual
activity with anyone who is in a position of greater power,
whether that power is derived through the sex offender's age,
size, status, or relationship. A child who cannot refuse,
or who believes she or he cannot refuse, is a child who has
been violated.
Unless and until, society focuses on sexual child abuse prevention,
before the damage is done, sexual abuse of children will continue
to proliferate. Child sexual abuse is the greatest hidden
epidemic in the world.
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About the Author:
Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, author, "If I'd Only Known...Sexual
Abuse in or Out of the Family: A Guide to Prevention, specializes
in: Mind, Body, Spirit healing and Physical/Sexual Abuse Prevention
and Recovery. As an inspirational leader, Dr. Neddermeyer
empowers people to view life's challenges as an opportunity
for Personal/Professional Growth and Spiritual Awakening.
http://www.drdorothy.net
Article Source, click
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