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Helping a loved one with an Eating Disorder
Dear Psychotherapist.org,
My girlfriend has a problem, she will not admit
it. She has the classic bulimia profile. She has been over
taking diet pills, energy drinks, and vomiting for the last
month (I think). She tells me she is not doing these things
but then I either walk in as she is throwing up or find a
ton of diet pills. She has taken enough in front of me to
make her hands shake (I saw her swallow at least 5). She always
complains about being fat, though she is not, (she weighs
about 105-110 and is 5'4"). As I said, she is not over weight
at all. She tells me she has no problem and to leave her alone
about this, but I can not. She is the mother of our child
and I care and love her very much. What I need is information
on how I may help her, or how I can get her to realize she
does have a disorder. She also has a dramatic past life from
before I met her, (she and I have been together over 4 years).
If you can send me some suggestions please I would be in debt
to you. Thank you,
oncerned partner
p.s. I would like to take an extremly active
part in helping her.
**********************
Dear Concerned Partner,
It sounds like she is not hiding her bulimia
very well anymore-- these things may have been going on for
a long time without your knowing. Perhaps she is letting you
catch her because deep down she wants you to help. You might
consider gently telling her you are worried about her and
that you care a great deal about her and don't want her to
get hurt. Be prepared for her to deny any problems and to
disbelieve that you care. It sounds like she may have a history
of people not caring. If she has others that are close to
her that are aware of this problem, you could ask them to
do the same as you are doing- but separately- one at a time-
not all together. If she hears it from more than one person
over a period of time it might eventually sink in. If you
confront her strongly all at once she is likely to panic and
to feel terrible shame. This could backfire completely. It
usually takes time for someone to develop the courage to ask
for help. Then she's half-way there. Therapy takes time too.
Be gentle, loving, persistent and patient.
Good Luck! --- Judy Lightstone
**********************************************************************
Also link to: Improving
Body Image, Exercise,
Obesity and City Planning: Who's Responsible?, Compulsive
Overeating, The
Diet/Binge/Purge Cycles, Techniques
for Treating Eating Problems, Becoming
a Non Compulsive Eating Family, Fat,
Thin and Power, Thoughts
On Dieting, The
Cathy Syndrome
Some helpful links:
Something
Fishy Web site on Eating Disorders: Bulimia
How
Licensed MFTs help Couples and Families
Couples
and Family Therapy with Judy Lightstone, Licensed MFT
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About the Author: Judy Lightstone - MA,, MS, LMFT
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist; specializing in eating
disorders and dissociation - has been providing psychotherapy
for the past 21 years and training professional therapists
for the past 19 years. In her Berkeley private practice, she
currently specializes in treating eating disorders, trauma
survivors, and working with couples and families. Patients
describe her as gentle and compassionate in a strong way,
tempered by an easy sense of humor. She helps you become more
conscious, and offers support and advocacy as you learn to
live with greater awareness of yourself and the world. She
stays clear and focused so you can better access your inner
strength and wisdom. For more information visit Judy's website
www.psychotherapist.org
or call (510) 704-0940 in Berkeley, CA.
© by Judy Lightstone, 1999
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