Anorexia

Bulimia

Binge Eating

Other Eating Disorders

General Information on Eating Disorders.

You can get help, and you can succeed!

Telling somebody about your eating disorder.

What you can do to help your loved ones.

In their own words ...
Inspiring Stories & Poems.

Get in touch with people who go through the same as you do!

Weight, Appearance and Self Esteem. Body Dysmorphic Disorder.

The pressure to be thin.

Sexual abuse can lead to eating disorders.

Information on self-harm and eating disorders.

The number of men with eating disorders is rising.

Information on eating disorders in athletes.

Coping with an eating disorder while pregnant.

Online Resource Library

Helpful and inspiring books

Inspirational Music.

Recovery focused eating disorder videos.

Polls on eating disorders.

Tell me what you think about my website.

Find your way around.

Mission Statement.

Read about my struggles with an eating disorder.

Feel free to get in touch with me.

:. Worried about a friend or family member?
:. Does your friend have an eating disorder?
:. What you can do and say
:. What you shouldn't do and say
:. Helpful Books
:. Helpful Links
:. Worried-About-Loved-Ones Article Library

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Worried about a friend or family member?

If you are concerned about a friend or family member who may silently struggle with an eating disorder, it is important to remain a true friend. Talking to this person is not an easy thing to do. But remember, it is definitely not any easier for your friend to talk to you about his or her eating problem. You have to understand that sufferers with an eating disorder are very ashamed of their behaviours and their relationship towards food. They may have trouble admitting their problem to themselves and especially to others and it can be very difficult to help someone who denies suffering from an eating disorder.

Don't be surprised when your friend gets mad at you and acts defensivley - it is completely normal for someone suffering from an eating disorder to behave that way when being confronted, especially when being confronted for the first time. It is crucial for you NOT to get mad back at your friend but to stay calm and nonjudgemental and to remind your friend that you really care about him and how much he means to you regardless of his weight and eating habits.

"Eventually, my parents and friends noticed my bad eating habits and forced me to eat. They would not leave my side."

"When they were aware of my binging and purging, and I didn't know what to do. The only time I could binge and purge was late at night."

"During the time I lived together with a friend I would not buy food for myself as a preventive from binging. So I began to use my room mates food for binges and then quickly ran to the supermarket to replace it."

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Does your friend have an eating disorder?

It can be difficult to tell if someone has an eating disorder.
Often sufferers appear to be "normal". Here are some signs that may show that your friend or family member may struggle with an eating disorder:

• An obsession with food, calories, weight and exercise.
• Dramatic weight loss.
• Intense fear of gaining weight.
• Thinks he or she is overweight, even if underweight.
• Episodes of binge eating.
• Claiming to be a vegetarian.
• Never seeing your friend eat and he or she avoids eating in front of you and others.
• Withdrawal from friends and family.
• Refusal to eat certain foods.
• Developing food rituals such as excessive chewing, moving food around on the plate instead of eating it, cutting food into very tiny pieces, ...
• Dressing in big and baggy clothes in order to hide body shape.
• Going to the bathroom a lot, especially after having something to eat.
• Abuse of laxatives, enemas, diet and diuretic pills.
• Complaining about being cold all the time (being cold can be a sympton of being underweight).

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What you can do and say:

Here are some tips on how you can provide great help and support your loved-one:

• Before approaching your friend, learn as much as you can about eating disorders in order to get a better understanding of what your friend or family member is going through.
  
• Talk with the person at an appropriate time and place - in private, free from distractions.
• Be prepared that the person may deny having a problem and refuses to get help. If so, it will be important to tell someone else about your concerns. If your friend is under 18, her parents need to know.
• Tell your friend how much you care and that he or she is not alone.
• Be supportive, understanding and calm.
• Listen carefully and with an understanding and nonjudgmental ear.
• Listen carefully to what your friend says. Think about how your friend might feel. Your friend might feel ashamed or scared. Your friend may feel unimportant or think that life doesn't matter. Feeling out of control also is common. Not eating or eating too much may be your friend's way of coping with problems.
• Be patient.
• Honestly express your concerns.
• Find out what treatments options are available.
• Gently suggest counseling.
• Encourage your friend to get help.
• Offer to go to a doctor together with your friend.
• Think about attending a support group.

In a calm and caring way, tell your friend what you saw or heard. Use "I" statements, and let your friend know that you are concerned.

Here are some suggestions of what to say:

• "I'm worried about you because you haven't eaten lunch this week."
• "I'm worried about ___ because I saw her (him) throw up on purpose/take a laxative/talk about taking diet pills/throw away her (his) lunch."
• "I heard you talking about taking laxatives . . . (or diet pills) and that scares me."
• "Are you O.K.? Were you vomiting after lunch? I am concerned about you."
• "I'm concerned about ___ because she (he) always complains about being too fat/seems so sad/says she (he) never can do anything right."

REMEMBER: Be realistic. Successfully dealing with an eating disorder takes time.

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What you shouldn't do and say:

You cannot force your friend to get help or change his or her beliefs or behaviours. You cannot force an anorexic to eat, a bulimic to stop vomiting, or a binge eater to stop eating huge amounts of food. Eating disorders are not simply about food and weight - food and weight are just being used in order to deal with emotional problems.

• Avoid talking about food, weight and appearance.
• Do not make any comments on what she/he looks like.
• Don't try to control your friend's eating habits.
• Avoid giving advice, it often provokes the opposite response. (i.e. "If you would just stop overeating, you would get better." "Why don't you just eat like a normal person?")
• Don't confront your friend with a group of people, in front of a group of people.
• Don't judge your friend about what he or she is doing.
• Don't say "You are crazy!"
• Don't gossip about your friend.
  
• Don't be scared to talk with your friend.
• Don't reject your friend.
• Don't play the blame-game: "Why are you doing this to me?" "Why are you doing this to yourself?"
• Don't get angry at your friend.
• Avoid "you" statements like "You have to eat something!"
• Never force your friend to do anything he or she doesn't want to do.
• Don't take on the role of a therapist.

REMEMBER: Be realistic. Successfully dealing with an eating disorder takes time. Don't expect your friend to be "cured" after treatment. Recovery can be a long process

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Helpful Books:

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For parents of a child with an eating disorder, the most crucial question is "What do we do now?". In this informative book, Laura Collins shares how she and her husband discovered the answer for themselves--and most significantly--for their anorexic fourteen-year-old-daughter. It is a chronicle of how they applied a home-based treatment method known as "the Maudsley approach," a nontraditional but highly effective way to treat a disease that is well known but largely misunderstood.

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One of the most-often ordered books for friends and family. The author's discuss the psychological and behavioral aspects of eating disorders, pharmacology, and family therapy, with an emphasis on:

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How do couples tackle ticklish questions like "Does this make me look fat?" or "Will you go on a diet with me?" What does one partner say when the other loses weight and then gains it back? Lydia Hanich has created a safe, fun guide to discussing thorny topics such as appearance, weight, food, exercise, sexuality, and eating disorders. Each chapter of Honey, Does This Make My Butt Look Big? presents loaded questions and precarious everyday scenarios with corresponding "right" and "wrong" answers. Included is a brief interpretation of the predicament along with sensible advice about what to say, what not to say, and why. Most partners have a sincere desire to support each other yet often unwittingly contribute to the problem rather than the solution. With cartoon illustrations (from the Non Sequitur series by Wiley Miller) and a healthy dose of humor, this book provides the answers to those difficult questions.

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Parent workbook for not only helping your child recover, but also improving your relationship, making changes, and solving problems together.

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For the best results, parents of teenagers must be actively involved in their child’s recovery process, and these well-respected experts explain how.

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After a one-year struggle with bulimia, Andrea Smeltzer died in her sleep at the age of 19, catapulting her mother, Doris, into a journey of self-discovery. By combining Andrea’s poetry and journal entries, mother and daughter tell the story together, capturing the bond that connected them. Doris’ honest exploration of the emotional issues surrounding her daughter’s development of bulimia provide insight and guidance not only to parents, but also to any young woman who is struggling to find her independence.

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Helpful Links:

	Eating with Your Anorexic - A supportive place for parents with eating disordered children - How one family learned to treat a daughter's anorexia nervosa with a medicine universally available: food. Plus some love, common sense, and a few laughs.
	Empowered Parents - from the author of "When Your Child Has an Eating Disorder: A Step-By-Step Workbook for Parents and Other Caregivers" - is an interactive site that educates, motivates, and counsels parents in their effort to prevent or heal an eating disorder in their child.

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Worried-About-Loved-Ones Article Library:

Helping a loved one with an Eating Disorder - by Judy Lightstone - A letter to a concerned partner.

Begining the Dialogue with Your Child - by Abigail H. Natenshon - The following section is a sample script, or discussion outline, for a parent who sees symptoms of an eating disorder in her child that the child is refusing to acknowledge.

Does Someone You Care About Have Anorexia? - by Charles Kassotis - Anorexia is an eating disorder that develops when someone stops eating enough food for adequate nutrition. It can happen slowly, over several months or even years ,...

Anorexia Nervosa Alert - Is Your Daughter Dying To Be Thin? - by S.A. Smith - Anorexia nervosa is a serious medical disorder that is statistically most prevalent in the adolescent teenage years of young women. It is estimated that 7% of ...

Ten things parents can do to help prevent eating disorders
- by Abigail H. Natenshon - Even more central to our health and well being than what we eat, are our attitudes and beliefs about food and eating, or how we feel about what we eat. Eating disorders are ...

What Parents Need to Know - by Abigail H. Natenshon - What eating disorders are about - Eating disorders, contrary to popular belief, are not principally about food, eating, or weight management. The assumption is that anorexics ...

How We Rescued Our Child from Anorexia, Effecting a Complete Recovery in Just Six Months - by Peter Morrisson - In March 2003 our then 13 year old daughter, Helen, was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa, at which point she was on the verge of being emaciated. Her BMI was approximately 15.

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