Anorexia

Bulimia

Binge Eating

Other Eating Disorders

 
You Are Not Alone

What are Eating Disorders?

General Information on Eating Disorders.

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The Coming Out

Telling somebody about your eating disorder.

Worried About A Friend?

What you can do to help your loved ones.

Personal Stories

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Body Image

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The pressure to be thin.

Sexual Abuse and
Eating Disorders

Sexual abuse can lead to eating disorders.

Self-Injury and
Eating Disorders

Information on self-harm and eating disorders.

Males with Eating Disorders

The number of men with eating disorders is rising.

Athletes and
Eating Disorders

Information on eating disorders in athletes.

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Eating Disorders

Coping with an eating disorder while pregnant.

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Polls on eating disorders.

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Read about my struggles with an eating disorder.

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Helping Loved Ones With An Eating Disorder

:. Worried about a friend or family member?
:. Does your friend have an eating disorder?
:. What you can do and say
:. What you shouldn't do and say
:. Helpful Books
:. Helpful Links

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Recovery really IS possible!

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Worried about a friend or family member?

If you are concerned about a friend or family member who may silently struggle with an eating disorder, it is important to remain a true friend.

Talking to this person is not an easy thing to do. But remember, it is definitely not any easier for your friend to talk to you about his or her eating problem.

You have to understand that sufferers with an eating disorder are very ashamed of their behaviours and their relationship towards food and their bodies.

They may have trouble admitting their problem to themselves and especially to others and it can be very difficult to help someone who denies suffering from an eating disorder.

Don't be surprised when your friend gets mad at you and acts defensively - it is completely normal for someone suffering from an eating disorder to behave that way when being confronted, especially when being confronted for the first time.

It is crucial for you NOT to get mad at your friend but to stay calm and nonjudgmental and to remind your friend that you really care about him/her and how much he/she means to you regardless of his/her weight and eating habits.

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Does your friend have an eating disorder?

It can be difficult to tell if someone has an eating disorder.
Often sufferers appear to be "normal".

Here are some signs that may show that your friend or family member may struggle with an eating disorder:

  • An obsession with food, calories, weight and exercise.
  • Dramatic weight loss.
  • Intense fear of gaining weight.
  • Thinks he or she is overweight, even if underweight.
  • Episodes of binge eating.
  • Never seeing your friend eat and he or she avoids eating in front of you and others.
  • Withdrawal from friends and family.
  • Refusal to eat certain foods.
  • Developing food rituals such as excessive chewing, moving food around on the plate instead of eating it, cutting food into very tiny pieces, ...
  • Dressing in big and baggy clothes in order to hide body shape.
  • Going to the bathroom a lot, especially after having something to eat.
  • Abuse of laxatives, enemas, diet and diuretic pills.
  • Complaining about being cold all the time (being cold can be a symptom of being underweight).

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What you can do and say:

Here are some tips on how you can provide great help and support your loved-one:

  • Before approaching your friend, learn as much as you can about eating disorders in order to get a better understanding of what your friend or family member is going through.
  • Talk with the person at an appropriate time and place - in private, free from distractions.
  • Be prepared that the person may deny having a problem and refuses to get help. If so, it will be important to tell someone else about your concerns.
  • Tell your friend how much you care and that he or she is not alone.
  • Be supportive, understanding and calm.
  • Listen carefully and with an understanding and nonjudgmental ear.
  • Listen carefully to what your friend says. Think about how your friend might feel. Your friend might feel ashamed or scared. Your friend may feel unimportant or think that life doesn't matter. Feeling out of control also is common. Not eating or eating too much may be your friend's way of coping with problems.
  • Be patient.
  • Honestly express your concerns.
  • Find out what treatments options are available.
  • Gently suggest counseling.
  • Encourage your friend to get help.
  • Offer to go to a doctor together with your friend.
  • Think about attending a support group.

In a calm and caring way, tell your friend what you saw or heard. Use "I" statements, and let your friend know that you are concerned.

Here are some suggestions of what to say:

  • "I'm worried about you because you haven't eaten lunch this week."
  • "I'm worried about ___ because I saw her (him) throw up on purpose/take a laxative/talk about taking diet pills/throw away her (his) lunch."
  • "I heard you talking about taking laxatives . . . (or diet pills) and that scares me."
  • "Are you O.K.? Were you vomiting after lunch? I am concerned about you."
  • "I'm concerned about ___ because she (he) always complains about being too fat/seems so sad/says she (he) never can do anything right."

REMEMBER: Be realistic. Successfully dealing with an eating disorder takes time. Successful recovery from an eating disorder IS possible!

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What you shouldn't do and say:

You cannot force your friend to get help or change his or her beliefs or behaviours. You cannot force an anorexic to eat, a bulimic to stop vomiting, or a binge eater to stop eating huge amounts of food. Eating disorders are not simply about food and weight - food and weight are just being used in order to deal with emotional problems.

  • Avoid talking about food, weight and appearance.
  • Do not make any comments on what she/he looks like.
  • Don't try to control your friend's eating habits.
  • Avoid giving advice, it often provokes the opposite response. (i.e. "If you would just stop overeating, you would get better." "Why don't you just eat like a normal person?")
  • Don't confront your friend when other people are around.
  • Don't judge your friend about what he or she is doing.
  • Don't say "You are crazy!"
  • Don't gossip about your friend.
  • Don't be scared to talk with your friend.
  • Don't reject your friend.
  • Don't play the blame-game: "Why are you doing this to me?" "Why are you doing this to yourself?"
  • Don't get angry at your friend.
  • Avoid "you" statements like "You have to eat something!"
  • Never force your friend to do anything he or she doesn't want to do.
  • Don't take on the role of a therapist.

REMEMBER: Be realistic. Successfully dealing with an eating disorder takes time. Don't expect your friend to be "cured" after treatment. Recovery can be a long process - but full recovery from an eating disorder IS possible!

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Helpful Books:

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Eating With Your Anorexic
by Laura Collins

How My Child Recovered Through Family-Based Treatment
And Yours Can Too!

Publisher: McGraw-Hill
Publication Date: December 15, 2004
ISBN: 0-071-445-587

For parents of a child with an eating disorder, the most crucial question is "What do we do now?". In this informative book, Laura Collins shares how she and her husband discovered the answer for themselves--and most significantly--for their anorexic fourteen-year-old-daughter. It is a chronicle of how they applied a home-based treatment method known as "the Maudsley approach," a nontraditional but highly effective way to treat a disease that is well known but largely misunderstood.

This book is a source of hope and valuable information for parents of children with eating disorders. This is the first popular book on an increasingly popular approach to curing eating disorders and a must-read! It includes practical information and guidance for parents of children with eating disorders.

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Surviving an Eating Disorder: Strategies for Family and Friends
by M.Siegel, J.Brisman, & M.Weinshel

When Eating Habits
Become Eating Problems

Publisher: Collins; Revised edition
Publication Date: February 19, 1997
ISBN: 0-060-952-334

One of the most-often ordered books for friends and family. The author's discuss the psychological and behavioral aspects of eating disorders, pharmacology, and family therapy, with an emphasis on:

bringing eating disorders out in the open, seeking help, coping with anger and denial, developing a healthier relationship and guidance for making the situation better—now.

Surviving an Eating Disorder has become a classic since it was first published in 1988. It was one of the first books to offer effective support and solutions for parents, spouses, friends and all others who are the
"silent sufferers" of eating disorders.

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Honey Does This
Make My Butt Look Big?

by Lydia Hanich, MA, LMFT

A Couple's Guide
to Food and Body Talk

Publisher: Gürze Books
Publication Date: December 10, 2005
ISBN: 0-936-077-247

How do couples tackle ticklish questions like "Does this make me look fat?" or "Will you go on a diet with me?" What does one partner say when the other loses weight and then gains it back? Lydia Hanich has created a safe, fun guide to discussing thorny topics such as appearance, weight, food, exercise, sexuality, and eating disorders. Each chapter of Honey, Does This Make My Butt Look Big? presents loaded questions and precarious everyday scenarios with corresponding "right" and "wrong" answers. Included is a brief interpretation of the predicament along with sensible advice about what to say, what not to say, and why. Most partners have a sincere desire to support each other yet often unwittingly contribute to the problem rather than the solution. With cartoon illustrations (from the Non Sequitur series by Wiley Miller) and a healthy dose of humor, this book provides the answers to those difficult questions.

Lydia Hanich, MA, LMFT, is licensed psychotherapist and frequent public speaker who has specialized in eating disorders and body image issues for over 20 years. She holds an M.A. in Counseling Psychology from the University of San Franscisco and has been certified as an Eating Disorders Specialist through the International Association of Eating Disorders Professionals. For more information about Lydia, please go to lydiahanich.com

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When Your Child Has an Eating Disorder: A Step-By-Step Workbook for Parents and
Other Caregivers

by Abigail H. Natenshon

Publisher: Jossey-Bass
Publication Date: Sept. 15, 1999
ISBN: 0-787-945-781

Parent workbook for not only helping your child recover, but also improving your relationship, making changes, and solving problems together.

Combining factual information, sound advice, and written exercises, this workbook is for parents of preteens through college-aged children who want to participate in the recovery process. Divided into three parts, the book reflects the chronological course of disease and treatment: education about eating disorders, taking action, exploring treatment options, and ideas for assisting with the challenges of recovery.

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Help Your Teenager Beat
an Eating Disorder

by James Lock & Daniel le Grange

What you can do to help prevent eating disorders in your kids

Publisher: HarperCollins
Publication Date: January 1, 2005
ISBN: 1-572-309-083

For the best results, parents of teenagers must be actively involved in their child’s recovery process, and these well-respected experts explain how.

The practical language and research-based approach of this book make it exceptionally useful for building a united family front, especially in conjunction with professional treatment. Presented with thought-provoking subheadings, the book demystifies the eating disordered mindset, outlines treatment options, clarifies parental roles, and provides effective troubleshooting tools.

 

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Andrea's Voice
- Silenced by Bulimia
Her Story and Her Mother's
Journey Through Grief Toward Understanding

by Doris Schmeltzer
and Andrea Lynn Schmeltzer

Publisher: Gurze Books
Publication Date: May 15, 2006
ISBN: 0-936-077-018

After a one-year struggle with bulimia, Andrea Smeltzer died in her sleep at the age of 19, catapulting her mother, Doris, into a journey of self-discovery. By combining Andrea’s poetry and journal entries, mother and daughter tell the story together, capturing the bond that connected them. Doris’ honest exploration of the emotional issues surrounding her daughter’s development of bulimia provide insight and guidance not only to parents, but also to any young woman who is struggling to find her independence.

Vibrant, talented, strong, and beautiful, Andrea Smeltzer seemed destined for a great future. But after a one-year struggle with bulimia, she died in her sleep at age 19, catapulting her mother Doris into a wrenching but ultimately rewarding journey of discovery. This unabashed account not only speaks about one family’s tragedy, but also critiques the social and personal attitudes toward our bodies and appearance that create victims like Andrea. Andrea's poetry and journal entries, combined with her mother's reflections, offer insight and understanding about a crushing disorder that afflicts far too many young people.

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Helpful Links:

Eating with Your Anorexic - A supportive place for parents with eating disordered children - How one family learned to treat a daughter's anorexia nervosa with a medicine universally available: food. Plus some love, common sense, and a few laughs.

Empowered Parents - from the author of "When Your Child Has an Eating Disorder: A Step-By-Step Workbook for Parents and Other Caregivers" - is an interactive site that educates, motivates, and counsels parents in their effort to prevent or heal an eating disorder in their child.

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Eating-Disorder-Information.com is sponsored by "You Are Not Alone (Vol 1 + 2) - The Books of Companionship for Women with Eating Disorders" - inspiring collections of personal recovery stories, poems and artwork from women who are either in strong recovery or fully recovered.

Recovery really IS possible!

For more information, visit www.youarenotalonebook.com
(a new window will open)

Life without the eating disorder really IS possible!

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Legal Notice: The content of this and other sections of the Eating-Disorder-Information.com website is intended only for broad, general information, and should not replace one-on-one therapy with a trained professional. As with all health-related issues, please refer to your personal physician, dietician, counselor or therapist for a full evaluation and to determine the best course of treatment. Eating-Disorder-Information.com specifically disclaims liability, loss, or risk, personal or otherwise, that may be incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, in the use or application of any contents of this web site.

Recovery really is possible - also for you!

You Are Not Alone, Vol 2 (plus FREE Companion CD) - The Book of Companionship for Women with Eating Disorders

Eating Disorder Recovery IS Possible, also for You!

Inspiring collection of personal recovery stories, poems, artwork, and song lyrics by women who are either in recovery or fully recovered from an eating disorder.

Foreword by Dr.Anita Johnston (author of Eating in the Light of the Moon)

RECOVERY MUSIC
Also included in the book is the You Are Not Alone Companion CD filled with healing songs by women who are either fully recovered or in strong recovery from an eating disorder.

Profits are donated to eating disorder help and support organizations to help raise awareness and help others in their recovery.

You Are Not Alone is a proud sponsor of the Recovery Buddies Project, the Joy Project, and MentorCONNECT.

For more info, visit youarenotalonebook.com

Eating Disorder Recovery IS Possible, also for You!

Always remember,
you are NOT alone. There is HOPE and eating disorders really can be overcome!

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